AntoVass’ekadivasaņ (One day during the Rains)

___________________________________
I take a walk
Pleasant and calm and slow
Across the open fields
Then I return
To my cozy
Homely
Hermitage
That overlooks those pleasant
Calm and empty fields.
I just take a walk
And I come back;
No moral lesson is learned,
No samadhi is enjoyed,
And no gnosis is reached.
Only,
The robes are washed
And there is no hurry
For them to dry
As I huddle myself
With my cozy
Homely
Hermitage.

Son of Buddha

________________

All day long
Bliss is upon me.
I am free and joyful
because nothing exists
that fetters my conscience
or exposes me to blame.
I have nothing to lose or to gain.
The past is relinquished,
The future is ever welcome.
Mara is out of sight,
And the profound fortitude of Dhamma
pervades my steadfast heart.
All day long
Bliss is upon me.
I am sun of Buddha
Because I feel this way!

____________________
Bhikkhuni version:
____________________

All day long
Bliss is upon me.
I am free and joyful
because nothing exists
that fetters my conscience
or exposes me to blame.
I have nothing to lose or to gain.
The past is relinquished,
The future is ever welcome.
Mara is out of sight,
And the profound fortitude of Dhamma
pervades my steadfast heart.
All day long
Bliss is upon me.
I am daughter of Buddha
Because I feel this way!

Bhavanirodha (No Future!)

__________________________

Only the present moment and nothing else!
Why?
Because there is nothing else!
And because the future
is not as much fearful or promising
as we believe.
Fear and hope are just bad habits.
The future is innocent
like all things
that do not exist
are innocent and pure!

And what is it really
that is fearful or hopeful bout the future?
That what we fear or desire
“there”
will one day become
“now”?
And that what we desire
“now”
will not come to pass
“then”?

But there has never been
“then”,
there has always been
now,
just now,
always now.
The future never betrayed us,
it’s we who always betray
the present.
The future always comes in time,
it is we who are never ready to receive it.
The future doesn’t exist in the future,
it can only be experienced
now.

Whatever hopes and dreams and fears and worries
and the myriad other feelings which weigh down the heart
that deprive us from receiving our precious gift of life
will never join us in our journey after death.
In a single moment of break-up
they will all vanish forever.
And what is it that will remain then?
Nothing,
except for the force
the momentum of one’s yearning
or the momentum of one’s peace.

Yearning leads to life,
to rebirth,
to the perpetuation of being,
and to the everlasting thirst,
for a never possible future,
with endless hopes and dreams and fears
and the myriad other feelings
which weigh down the heart
that deprive us from receiving
again,
our precious gift of life!
And again and again and again!

Peace leads to release,
total escape,
even beyond heaven.
For one who sees
that there is no future –
the restlessness in his heart
is wholly extinguished.
He is safe and at peace,
in every present moment,
He ‘has’ no future,
he takes nothing with him.
He too no longer exists.
At last,
he becomes innocent and pure,
like all things
that do not exist.

Only the present moment and nothing else!
There,
is the cessation of being.

Nekkhamma

_______________________________

And whether I end up a Buddhist monk
or a Sufi or Mystic seeker of Sainthood
or a half-mad half-delivered beggar in the streets of Cairo –
it is certainly time to say
‘farewell’
to this horrible
normalcy.
Not every one survives because they want!
Some survive because they must!
If the purpose that transcends life and death is found,
love of life and fear of death
vanish.
Thus is my survival;
a feat of heroic abstinence,
from all love, hate, and fear,
from all that binds together,
from all things conditioned.

Renunciation!

On Life & Death & Liberation

It is living that is an act of desperation!
And if your crippled consciousness and malignant will have
_in this fleeting moment of life-affirmation_
brought you to deny and denounce the truth,
Consider then,
That which you have identified as the meaning,
purpose,
and value of life,
Can it ever go beyond
death?!
Unlikely!
And what do I take with me?!
Nothing but the continuous poison
of life!
There is no death.
There is no escape.
There is only suffering, fear, and restlessness.
There is only life even for him who renounces life.

Our journey of life is
For the most part
A continual fear
Of the pain of life.

Our journey of life is
For the most part
A continual search
For the nearest killer
Of the pain of life.

Our journey of life is
For all we know
A journey of fear
And unquenchable yearning
For safety.

The body is hanging to this life by a thread
A breath
A heart beat
But the mind
The self
The idea
“I”
It seeks and yearns
After eternity
Any eternity
Even eternal suffering
And fear of suffering
This,
Is the story of the human being.

There is no escape for such a human being
Unless by renouncing once and for all
Its identification with body,
And its attachment to all that is supported by form,
To all that is conditioned,
To all that comes to exist.

Viññānanirodha

A discourse on the unfreeness of the “free-will”, and the lack of consciousness in the “consciousness”!

The expression “free-will” is misleading, because there is no true freedom in the exercise of a spontaneous will. Arising and fading away, by itself, according to external causes and conditions, our will is not our own, does not belong to us, does not remain with or emerge from any “self”, but is only triggered or spurred to function in response to external or internal, physical or mental, stimuli. Through the vast repertoire of memory and stored data of past experiences (sañña), extending back across incalculable lifetimes it is said – the will arises established on and conditioned by that karmic foundation.

the only true freewill is that which arises through renunciation: dispassion, non-desire, and non-attachment. every other form of action is in its origination dependent, conditioned, and triggered, and in its nature spontaneous, unchosen, self-unconscious, and unfree. Therein lies the difference with regard to kamma; its diminishing and extinction, or its propagation and intensification.

And the greatest renunciation is that of truly realising the spontaneity, non-self of all action. There lies in this renunciate realisation of the spontaneity of will the realisation also of our ultimate freedom and lack of a self: “this is spontaneous! This arises spontaneously! This is not up to me! This is not under my control! This is not freely-willed! This is not willed at all! This is just happening! This just arises!” Through this renunciate realisation _for any truly honest and sincere heart_ there grows estrangement, alienation, dispassion, non-attachment and non-identification, with regard to one’s own entire life of action, to which one would otherwise _that is, without such renunciate realisation_ be habitually profoundly attached, physically, emotionally and conceptually.

The problem here is that, before one attains the final goal of full emancipation, this renunciate realisation does not cause the human conditioned consciousness and will to cease themselves! The consciousness continues, and it keeps presenting its habitual findings ceaselessly: “this is pleasurable, that is painful. This feels good, that feels bad. This resembles good, that resembles bad. This is loved, that is hated. This is this, that is that. This is not that, that is not this.” Thus it rolls like thunder in the sky, never to stop, not even during sleep. And it is precisely that which makes our striving very hard, in that as we strive to remove the delusion of selfhood (represented here in viññāna), or to liberate ourselves therefrom, we do not see any evidence, that we are being likewise liberated from “existence” (bhava) as well! However much we endeavour to become estranged from consciousness and will, and however much we do become estranged from consciousness and will, this nāmarūpa, our being in this existence, subject to contact with its utterly futile forms, impressed by such contact – does not in itself cease or even diminish.

This is the finest case of vibhavatanha; our striving is lacking pañña when what we seek is the destruction of existence (or experience) itself rather than the destruction of delusion regarding existence and experience! The consciousness and will themselves cannot be destroyed, and until parinibbāna, they will never stop! And through the practice of estrangement and dispassion with regard to them, the only thing that ceases is their spontaneity and subjection to external conditions. That which is being uprooted here is the emotional attachment with regard to the experience of contact and its impact, and Nibbāna is only perfection, unshakability, of such estrangement and dispassion respecting the automatic, conditioned, and spontaneous consciousness and will.

Then as we strive with pañña, we view this aversion regarding what we have to alienate ourselves from (viññānupādānakhanda), to be a product of precisely what we strive to alienate ourselves from! I call it “punishment”, that which lovers inflict upon each other, precisely when all love is lost! Our aversion against “self”, against spontaneous and conditioned consciousness and will, arises due to our continued dependence on precisely consciousness and will! Again, it is only a case of love, being turned into hate – having been for so long so profoundly attached to and identified with this ceaselessly buzzing and active consciousness and will, when the time comes for us to alienate the mind with respect to them, we hate their very continued existence and manifestation altogether.

But let all these mental, verbal, social, and bodily actions – let it all arise, let it happen, let it “come to be” – only, never surrender the sustained attention, estrangement, and dispassion, regarding all that arises!